Being an outgoing introvert mum

Yup that’s me. An outgoing introvert mum. And I’ve discovered it has its upsides and its downsides. It’s a tough balance to get right, especially when juggling the normal small baby tiredness that comes with having a 3 month old, plus the needs of a 15 year old and still trying to spend time with your husband. And on top of all of this I need to find some me time.

Going to mother and baby groups where I know few or no other mum’s is exhausting for me. I know that it’s good got my little boy though. I have to decide which groups I invest time and energy in, and which I say no to. I also now know to make sure in every week I have at least 1 day where I can just chill at home and do nothing if I need to. It’s not that I’m not committed to groups but sometimes I’ve learnt that I just need to be selfish.

Some weeks even chatting online with my mummy friends can be exhausting. They are often my lifeline too. I feel guilty sometimes because maybe I’m not always my true self when I’m with them. I put on my “be confident and ready to share and participate” face before starting antenatal classes but it’s hard, and at times tiring, trying to carry on being that person now.

Yes at times my confidence level is low. I can doubt myself. I can, and do, doubt my parenting skills. I worry about fitting in. I stress about being accepted for being me with every new situation. And all of this then exhausts me.

I’m struggling to get the balance right in my life. I need to be mum to a teenager, mummy to a baby, friend to my friends, and wife to my husband. I also need to be me.

I think the next year or so and beyond will be me continuing to battle to get the balance right. I’ll struggle some days. I won’t always get it right. Sometimes I talk to much cos I’m nervous. Sometimes I put my foot in it. And then I go home and beat myself up over it! But I keep learning.

I wouldn’t be without my family for anything. I just need to keep finding me in the chaos.

Socks!

Yes socks! They have become a very crucial part of my attire on a daily basis. Yes I’ve always worn socks when needed, but I didn’t worry about who else was going to see them. Now I spend about half my week in situations where other people see what’s on my feet! 

I know this might sound like a small thing to get worked up about, but it really causes me to panic.

They have to now match when I go out. They have to go on the correct feet. (I’ve got pairs that make a picture when side by side!) And really importantly, they can’t have holes in! Yup I really do think this much about socks when getting dressed! The rest of my outfit might only get a 10 second thought process, but I’ve got a bit paranoid about my socks.

The reason for this, I don’t really know. But now I attend lots of baby groups where we’re sat on the floor without shoes on I really think about it. Even just going to Slimming World to be weighed I have to take my shoes off so the socks have to be ok.

I think this is probably just where my ocd tendencies are coming out and its a small thing I can control in a period of life where lots of things are out of my control, but it is slightly crazy to have become so obsessed by socks!