What society puts on you vs reality

One of the things I really struggle with both in pregnancy, and since giving birth, is the image society and mainly the media give you about how it’s meant to be. For example, in pregnancy many mums expect all their nausea/ sickness to disappear overnight at 13 weeks, and to suddenly start “glowing”. Pregnancy is built up in the media to be this most amazing period in your life, full of amazing hair, skin and nails, looking amazing and feeling fantastic while growing this new life inside you.

I can honestly say in all 3 of my pregnancies I have never felt “glowing”. I’ve felt exhausted, fat, nauseous to the point of wishing I was being sick, gestational diabetes requiring insulin. I’ve had a pelvis struggling to stay together, a baby spending the pregnancy sat on my sciatic nerve, a baby that kept having kidneys that were too full at each scan, so they kept having to check. Each of the 3 has been stressful for different reasons (and yes maybe I was mad choosing to go through it again?!) Each time was 9 months of struggle.

It’s meant to be a time when you start to bond with you baby. With my last 2 pregnancies I had reduced movements., which actually makes this bonding difficult. In fact with my last pregnancy, I barely felt any movement from 28 weeks, so bonding was really hard. The only thing that helped, were the regular scans that I had for the diabetes. At no point was it a period where I felt I met societies pictures of a glowing and radiant mother to be.

Maybe I am a lucky one, in that the actual births have all been quick. Although this again has it’s own issues. I manage to avoid the perceived 24+ hours of crazy pain, screaming for an epidural, etc etc. I will admit there are certain points when my language would be more explicit than normal, and times near the end when I thought I couldn’t cope with any more pain. But I can’t complain.

But then comes the period of becoming a mummy to a newborn. The fourth trimester. The other period where the media makes out you should be glowing with the joys of your newborn, enjoy showing them off to the world, let the world smother them with love too. Well I’ve never experienced this either. I am currently nearing the end of the fourth trimester for the third, and final, time. I can say that the last 11 weeks have been a challenge. There are days when I struggle to get up and get dressed and function. Days when I have just kept myself hidden away from the world. I still struggle to let others hold my precious, beautiful daughter. I am tired. My husband is tired. Broken night after broken night takes its toll. Night after night with a baby lying on one or other of you for the whole night is exhausting. Yes, it’s what you sign up for in one sense, but it’s not the reality.

I wouldn’t be without any of my children, but I wish the media and society would change their expectations on mums to be and new mums. It doesn’t matter if you are a first or a fifth time mum. It still comes with challenges and sturggles as well as the joys and smiles that make every day worth while.

One thought on “What society puts on you vs reality”

  1. So true Rachel. I remember giving birth the first time and expecting that “overwhelming rush of emotion and love when you first see you newborn” that everyone seems to talk about. It didn’t hapen. I felt absolute relief that the labour was over but as for the baby on my chest… he was skinny and bony and felt strange and I almost felt like it wasn’t real, but not in a good way. I felt guilty and disappointed about that and I can’t say it got any better quickly — repeated bouts of mastitis and what felt like constant crying (from both baby and me) ensured it took a long time to feel rushes of love. The expectation that things will be wonderful makes it so much harder when it’s not.

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