12 months gone in a flash

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12 months ago I entered hospital knowing within the next few days I was going to become a mummy again for the last time. I knew I was going to meet my little girl. But I also knew I could be looking at another long induction, I knew there were risks, I knew so much, but I also knew nothing. I knew nothing of this little girl that had been growing inside me for 38 weeks. I had struggled to bond with her during pregnancy as i’d felt minimal movement all the way through. I had hated the pregnancy. I wanted that part to be over. But I was also excited. I was excited to meet this little person.

In the end, she decided that she was going to make a quick arrival into the world. So quick the midwife didn’t have time to make any notes or observations! My daughter’s birth set the pace of the last 12 months.

Nicknamed “small but mighty” she fought every battle she came up against in those early weeks and months, and let the world know she was a fighter. She has ruled the roost at home and made it very clear who is the boss to her brothers!

The year has been one full of bittersweet moments for me. I have adored every moment as she has grown and developed from a tiny tiny baby, to a dinky toddler (and I can call her that as she’s now walking!) But i’ve also had this sadness knowing that I won’t have another baby going through these milestones again. I’ve been battling with this, as it seems so selfish. I know there are so many out there who would love just one child of their own, and I have 3. But I also know I had a desire to have 3. I know how much I love being a mum and how at times I feel I miss out on things because I am a working mum.

This year I have carried guilt at feeling like I’m wishing days away while I was looking forward to returning to work. Then feeling guilty for being at work. I’ve had days when I just want those moments to keep going and never stop. I’ve tried to capture them in words, pictures and in my heart. The time seemsĀ  like it has slipped past without me noticing.

In these 12 months I’ve also become the parent of an adult! And now when I look back I feel that there are many moments of my son’s life I have missed. I feel like there are memories I am already forgetting. It’s reminded me how time with my children is so precious whatever stage they are at. I want to value and hold each second and cherish it. But I also want all my children to reach their potential at every stage of their lives and fly high in whatever way that is.

Parenting 3 is something I resolutely vowed I would never do, but actually I think it’s working ok. I’m not always getting it right, and I am always feeling mum guilt over one or other of my children. People ask is 3 easier than 2, harder than 2? Honestly…..3 is different to 2. Some days it is easier, some days it is harder. But every day is a memory I hold on to.

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Birthday first, then Christmas

Having a birthday 6 weeks before Christmas was always interesting growing up. You need to think of ideas for presents for both, and then you have to think of things you might want in the summer. And then you have to wait 44 weeks till one or the other comes round again.

So having a child with a birthday 1 week before Christmas brings even more challenges. One thing we were clear on from the moment that we knew it would be a “Christmas Baby” was that the birthday was always going to be celebrated in it’s own right. No it wasn’t going to be ok for joint presents, and actually just because 1 is close to the other doesn’t mean that it gets treated any differently. Everyone who needs to think about it has 365 days to prepare for the fact that there will be a birthday close to Christmas.

Yes we will still decorate the house for the 1st December. That is a family tradition that we will keep, but this year the presents won’t be under the tree until after the birthday (if not after the baby has gone to bed on 24th!!!) Additionally we will keep a separate space for birthday cards, where we normally display them, and Christmas Cards won’t be put up on display till after the birthday. Our son didn’t ask to have his birthday a week before Christmas, and he has the right to be valued as much as every other individual in the family. There will be (foil) balloons and birthday banners up as we do for any other birthday.

For us it is a simple act of respect. I know we are not the only parent’s of a child with a December or January birthday that feel this about making sure they are both marked separately. In fact I also know adults for whom it is also as important for their birthday. They are right to expect to have their birthday recognised in the same way as others get their birthday marked. Celebrating the birth of the child is as important as celebrating the birth of Jesus, and neither is there to outshadow the other.