A start of a long journey

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Today was an interesting day. It was a day where we started to get some answers, but at the same time threw up a million more questions. It’s also been a day that has, for me, thrown up lots of different emotions, which I am still processing.

So today it was confirmed that our fabulous 3 year old boy has significant developmental delays. And keeping in with the honesty of my blogging about parenting over the last three years, I am going to keep sharing in here as we navigate the next few days, weeks, months and now we know years. For me one of the key things that people should take away from this is that our son is our beautiful, loving, caring son who brings us  so much joy. Also these posts won’t be for sympathy or pity but they are my way of processing, plus hopefully something I write might help and inspire other parents on a similar journey.

So where are we at…..

Today the tests showed that our son is 12-18 months delayed in most areas of his development, although one area he is 24 months delayed. This means we have a very frustrated little boy at times, who wants to be able to do the same as his friends, but finds it hard or at times impossible. Today also was a reality check in that there is no quick fix. There are various therapies that can support different parts of his development, but this isn’t going to be a case of a bit of treatment and he will be achieving the goals for a child of 3 years and 2 months. Some therapies will have a bigger impact than others. Some things that are tried may not make any difference.

Do we know the cause?

In a quick answer….No. But there are some suspicions or theories that need to be investigated and will be looked into over the coming months. We do know that my placenta failed before he was born and that the impact of this would not be known until he started (or failed) to reach milestones. But nothing can be confirmed or eliminated as a cause. It might be one of those permanently unanswered questions in life!

Whats next?

Appointments, appointments and more appointments! Juggling work, life, parenting and appointments is going to be my new challenge. But it will all work out. Making sure our daughter gets the time she needs too will also be key. We will just have to switch priorities if needed.

If you’ve got this far, then thank you. If you’ve got questions, ask, and we’ll answer if we can. And just keep being normal with us! He is our amazing boy and we will help him be the best he can be at being him!

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Asking for help is totally ok!

Yesterday evening I read the sad news that Caroline Flack, a 40 year old TV presenter has taken her own life. While she made mistakes in life, the press and society seemed to make more out of her troubles than try to help her. And how many of us read the stories or saw the pictures of her falling around drunk?

But more than this…. why as society do we make it so hard for people to ask for help? She should have had everything to live for, but she also obviously felt like it wasn’t enough. It’s so hard to hold your hands up and say you struggle. I know that from personal experience. No, today I’m not suicidal, but 24 years ago I was. I was at that lowest point. And I didn’t know that I could ask for help. Society didn’t talk about mental health. In fact I was made to feel ashamed about taking an overdose. I was made to feel like I was the problem. It took another 20 years to be cold enough to start talking about my battles with anxiety and depression.

Being there at the lowest point, feeling like you have no other option, is a dark lonely isolated place. Unless you’ve been there it is hard to understand. People look at the life you project outwardly, and assume that that is the whole picture. They love the rose tinted perspective they see. Today it’s like the social media portrayal that people put out. Only show the best and the positive or the humorous bits.

But life isn’t like that in reality. Really isn’t black and white. It’s blue, green, pink, grey, yellow and many more colours. And while for you, yellow might be positive, for the person next to you it might be negative. Rather than assuming that they see what you see, take the time to stop and to smile and to ask how they are and what they see! Those words our actions might be the thing that changes their day from a negative to a positive!

And if today you’re the person who is feeling that the world is black, hard and pointless, then please also remember you are not alone and there are people to help. Life is a hard road to travel, but there are some amazing highlights even on the darkest days.

Small things that can do lots of damage

Yes I’m talking about words. What you speak can do so much damage. And the damage can last much longer than you ever realise. Knowing I’ve upset or hurt someone with my words intentionally or not plagues my mind for days. Similarly being hurt by the words of friends can take weeks or even months to go away. Or even if you think the hurt has gone, it doesn’t take much to resurrect it.

I know that there are times currently where I can be more sensitive to what people say, but I also know my closest friends are aware of this. But that hasn’t stopped people saying things without thinking. Little comments about how my children are dressed, or a mark on their faces or that I’ve not wiped their nose instantly could all upset me. It left me, and still can leave me, feeling judged.

But I’ve also witnessed how social media especially means words can be really damaging. I’ll never forget how it felt when I was single but desperately wanted not to be, and I had friend after friend posting they were “in a relationship with” or “engaged to”. And while I was happy for them, it could be hard to read.

Pregnancy announcements could be the same. Knowing how others could be hurting because of their own situations that you or I are not aware of made me be very cautious. And again while I will celebrate with friends in their joy, it doesn’t take away the pain. This pain, hurt, jealousy, etc isn’t new, but before social media it was easier to manage. You can only control to a point what you can see when you log in.

I do share on social media, but I choose who I share things with. Not everyone can see everything I post and that’s my choice. I choose who sees lots of images of my children. I choose who can see my blog post notifications. I choose what I post generally. And I carry the responsibility for those choices.